Sexist bullies on international women’s day 2016…

A few of the insults I (anonymously) received for sharing my views on equality and engaging in intelligent debate about the use of the term feminism and calling someone out for the objectification and sexualisation of women…

NB: I am ‘acorn’, the good guy is ‘socks’ and anyone else is three different people with similarly awful minds, views, and words… italics are my retrospective thoughts.

See for yourself:

  1. God it’s easy to tell you’re a woman. So fucking boring
  2. What’s your snapchat? Fancy a shag?
  3. I very much doubt you look like kayley cuoco so you’d be in for a marathon (at this point I gained some self esteem…)
  4. Apparently being the key word.. If you have to assure someone over an anonymous app I’m sure you look like an old bowl of porridge (I burst out laughing at this one…)
  5. Look, I’ve never been more disappointed with someone’s ability to give chat than you on this thread. You are worse than ugly, you’re boring
  6. You just need a good cock to pump some sense into you
  7. Good lad socks, smash her in for me (words to someone standing up for me and offering to talk somewhere else)
  8. I’m surprised he’s still with you, you are without a doubt the most mundane individual I’ve ever come across. He’ll dump you soon
  9. Good lord you’re boring
  10. Feminism has corrupted your thoughts, it has no relevance in the 21st century. Women’s sport, joke. Women in high powered jobs, joke. Women doing anything, joke.
  11. I also called you mundane, you’re personality upsets me, you have the conversational capacity of a vegetable. (It really irritates me that this guy did not understand the use of ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ that he literally used them the total opposite way round…)
  12. Proud of you for pursuing it sock. She sounds like a right virgin. She could probably do with a filling. (When someone was engaging in debate with me and offering to move the conversation away from these people)
  13. Also, socks, you’re a fucking flannel, you’re the reason women have dreams (to the same guy)
  14. I know you want it really you filthy little whore.
  15. Oh. My. God. You are completely abscent of personality, I pity the poor bastard who ends up with you. He’ll end his life or shag your sister.
  16. He needs to be warned, you’d be better off with a cardboard cut out to match your level of conversation. Well by the time you’re married she’ll be ripe. (Advice for my partner, and the second sentence referring to my sister, who I clarified was still in school…)
  17. Give it a fucking rest now Acorn
  18. Get a life
  19. I bet your muff is hairy and un-kept you little rodent
  20. I tell you who certainly isn’t ripe, you. You insignificant, dull, horrendously insufferable little piece of average. Your sister however.. She’ll be ready to bite into very soon.
  21. And the state of your muff is all you have going for you, youre just a hole for a cock. (I corrected the above assumption with the fact that I am actually clean shaven at present, but this does not have any bearing on anything, as I pointed out)
  22. Oh fuck off socks you wet flannel. You’re worse than her (Again, directed to the guy standing up for me)
  23. Socks hiding behind the woman. Especially hilarious after his little attempt at chirping earlier. ‘do you have kik?’. Desperate little lemon.
  24. Well what happened, or didn’t happen, to make you so boring you make my mind implode from lack of stimulation
  25. You’ve both been fantastic little nibblers but I must adjourn to bed. Good night and good luck! (Whatever that means)
  26. God Lord, you nibbled and I threw you back in the ocean.. Go away
  27. You are an inspiration op (To the guy insulting me…)
  28. Acorn your sad and lonely. Now shut up. (I’m actually the most happy and fulfilled I’ve ever been…ironically)
  29.  Oh fuck off acorn, you’re like a blank piece of A4, fucking boring. Go back to trying to desperately keep your ‘partner’ and wait for the inevitable breakup and crushing loneliness. (Not sure if he meant I was pretending that I had a partner or mocking me for the use of the word, or it was in response to him assuming my partner was male…)
  30. I hope you cry yourself to sleep tonight, with only your fingers up your neglected cavity to keep you company.

 

I refrained from using any foul language throughout this vile exchange and continued to argue my case with valid points and attempt to get these lowlifes to understand. All they did was prove why gender equality still has such a long way to go, and it was deeply saddening. They see a woman as a ‘hole to be filled’; they wished me loneliness and a break up for being ‘boring’ and having an opinion on equality; they insulted the person agreeing with me; called me a ‘virgin’ as though that’s an insult; presumed I ‘need’ a man to fulfil me; commented on the state of my pubic hair for some unknown reason; and insulted someone trying to support me… I don’t feel like I need to add much to this – it’s pretty self explanatory. And really really sad.

 

I don’t take it personally, because it’s anonymous, but I take it as an insult to women everywhere and to all those fighting for equality to be so shortsighted and disgusting. I do not understand how there is still such a long way to go or how anyone can claim that feminism is not important in our society. This is one person’s experience, in one place in the world, in a developed country, in a white middle class Western (i.e. ‘privileged’) area. Imagine what it’s like living somewhere else, being someone else, and experiencing sexism, along with whatever other kind of discrimination you have to face on a daily basis.

 

I will not give up writing about this or fighting for this because if things like this are not exposed, I dread to think how long such damaging exchanges will drag out into the future. What if these affect someone when they’re at a low point? Luckily for me I am at a relatively stable point this week, so I could laugh it off, but I could be anyone, I could have had anything happen to me. And these people behave in this manner… It sickens me. It really does.

 

STAY STRONG.

E x

 

 

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LABELS AND FABLES

I don’t have any New Years Resolutions WOO! I didn’t have any last year but I decided to write down nice things that happened throughout the year (which did last a few weeks at least) and keep them in a tin. I found them the other day and it made me happy, so resolving not to make new years’ resolutions was a great plan, evidently. The ‘Rememberlutions Jar’ is a lot better than creating unrealistic expectations for myself and will help me see the positives in my life. I think I blogged about this last year but who knows. I might try to be more consistent with my blog, but I say this every few months so we’ll see. I am settling into the new routine a bit now so everything is beginning to seem more manageable (other than my body clock, which likes to be all over the place gaaaaah). Hence why I’m writing here at midnight on the first day back at work after Christmas…whoops.

I have recently become OBSESSED with YouTube – vloggers, animators, the general community, theories on channels… it is brilliant. It is with the internet that I see my life represented: there are always two extremes. The internet has been my ‘rock’ when I have been alone. There are people I can relate to, there are outlets for people to share their views, it gives me a way of keeping in contact with people when I am unable to talk or communicate effectively with those physically in the vicinity. Some might say everyone does this and it’s antisocial but it really is a great support when one is prone to anxiety. There are stupid things, fun things, educational things, videos, articles, real people, characters, spaces for everyone. The other extreme, and the fear of vlogging I have, is of course the ‘haters’. I’m not going to dwell on that – it’s self explanatory and they don’t deserve my time.

We’ll see if I get anyway…new to the whole editing thing and need to scope out what I want the aim to be so starting up a kind of silly try-out channel (Pyjama Diaries is the link if you want to check it out) to play around with some ideas while I figure out where I want the main channel to go. I mean, obviously it’s location will be youtube but in terms of metaphorically ‘going’ somewhere, I’m unsure what tone to take. I would quite like to be educational and do societal commentary-esque stuff, but there’s so many brilliant ones out there already, I think I have some brainstorming to do. I could do a spider diagram…wow this evening just got even more exciting!

AND NOW… time for the actual post…

 

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Sexism doesn’t exist, you say?…

Over the past couple of weeks, I have begun to call out colleagues on their unintentional sexist remarks or attitudes. This has meant having constructive discussion with some of them about why I hold those opinions and explaining my standpoint. This is certainly a positive thing as it calls into question why I hold certain beliefs and values, encourages others to consider that, enables me to explain thoroughly and logically so that others can truly understand the everyday experience of being a female.

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“Adulting”

Hey all, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. Because I’ve had too much going on in my present physical life to be too deeply involved in my mental one too often… so that has been good. My depression is on the upside at the moment, but the anxiety is building again. Since I last posted, I’ve moved into a flat with my wonderful partner, and we’re both in full time jobs living in a lovely area, pretty close to a bunch of friends. The period before that involved couch/bed surfing between various friends’ houses in the area, job searching, application-filling, phone conversations, flat viewings etc etc blah blah, you get the picture.

It finally feels like my actual home. I have somewhere that I am home, and I am happy. For the first time. Ever, I suppose. When we first moved in, a month ago tomorrow in fact, we didn’t have any furniture and we were on a borrowed air bed that needed blowing up every night – and we didn’t have a pump. I felt pretty tired and stressed the whole time, but the novelty of having a place to call my own was amazing. We’ve since filled the flat with furniture, had some pretty busy weekends, ordering things, building things, buying things, and have spent rather a lot. But that’s the worst of it out of the way. For good. Because now we have furniture. And a home. And we’re earning. Our salaries are both quite meagre, but together it works out pretty decently. I realise this is probably really boring, but I’m just going to revel in the moment while the most interesting thing in my squiggly brain is setting up house. We even have a spreadsheet where we split the costs of food/utilities every week to keep it even. I find this way too exciting and I am aware of that.

While it might seem that life has been pretty mundane in the recent past, my brain is never completely stable, and the bursts of panic seem to be recurring more frequently. They don’t last as long, but they’re pretty unpredictable and I’m terrified of getting panicky at work. And I don’t want my illness to get in the way of my work. And it’s making me agitated and upset because I know I need to make an appointment to see my new doctor soon to get things moving now I’m staying down in this area, but I really don’t want to, and it’s a faff having to work out when to miss work – especially as I get two buses there and two buses back and work is half 8 to half 5 Monday to Friday… which makes the doctors pretty inconvenient – and I feel guilty about it.

Luckily, I have one of the most caring people in the universe by my side, and through all the stress of moving in together and getting started in our young adult lives, he’s been so supportive and kind. I don’t know how anyone puts up with me, but I know I wouldn’t be in the mental place I am now without his constant love and support, especially since leaving University and entering adult life. It’s made the transition so much easier having someone there going through the same thing but being so strong themselves that they’ve got time to make me stronger too.

I’m not really sure what this post is about, I just feel like so much has happened and I’ve forgotten to make any time for writing. Maybe now we’re settled it will start flowing a bit more naturally. I’m exhausted and up and down every day, but it’s not such a constant depression and the anxiety is usually fleeting, although it is always unexpected, but I’ve joined a gym, I’m eating regular meals, I’m in a Monday to Friday job where I have free weekends and evenings, and it feels like I am actually doing something with my life. Admittedly, I haven’t been to the gym this week, but I was ill (physically, for once) so I’ll excuse myself. I’ve got a membership which means I can go to whichever classes I want, so I’ve done some pilates and some bodypump. Pilates is great with a particular instructor, but her classes get booked so fast I don’t know when I’ll be able to make another! And bodypump is a weightlifting session I thought I’d try for a laugh that has actually made me feel amazing, just focusing in the moment, and literally feeling pumped, every Tuesday evening. I tried ‘bodybalance’ which was way too airyfairy to go again – it couldn’t decide whether it wanted to be ‘intense’ or ‘relaxing’ and rather than being balanced it felt like a weird mix of stuff that left me feeling a bit deflated. So I won’t be going to that one again. Bodycombat sounds pretty fun, so I’m going to give that one a go.

Anyway, the point is, I’m doing things purely for me and learning new things in the day and in the evening. My job is for a technology company, sitting on the support team, which means: writing test scripts; testing software that’s being developed by the developers on the team; dealing with requests from clients; converting and writing some HTML. It’s nothing I envisaged myself doing, and some bits of it are tedious, but I’m learning more and being given more responsibilities, and the days where I’m doing a few different things are great. I get made tea and coffee all day by a lovely lady in the office and my colleagues are super fun. Although the ‘air con wars’ are passively aggressively frustrating, the ‘OXO soup wars’ and the like are hilarious. Don’t ask. It’s so refreshing to be with new people, doing something new, living somewhere new – it basically feels like I’m giving myself a second chance at life, at least giving my brain a chance to be healthy. And I haven’t really looked at it that way. But I know I should, and I should make the most of this opportunity. Because I’ve been stuck inside my head for so long, and all the places I’ve been have those horrible associations, and yes, I’ll still have to deal with them, but now I’m on steady medication, it’s done as much as it can, and I need to get some therapy alongside that. Everything seems so much clearer than it did this time a year ago, and I’m in the right place to deal with it, physically and mentally in the world.

This has been a pretty rambly one, but I realise it’s helped sort my thoughts into some kind of order, although it may not appear that way to the reader, so my apologies on that front. To everyone struggling in the place I was in a year ago, and until very recently, and the place that likes to pay a visit every now and then, stay strong, you are amazing, keep fighting and remember ‘you is smart, you is kind, you is important’.

Peace out.

E x