Everything’s in a mess

So I started to write this on Monday…

Drinking wine in the middle of the day, panicking about major life decisions and skipping meals.

My heart and my head are in a big mushy mess. I didn’t realise it was possible to feel such strong feelings all at once. And then I got re

… it’s now Friday – I seem to have got distracted there, stopping mid-sentence let alone in the middle of a word is not normal for me. Things are in a mess, yes, but I am better now than I was a few days ago. I have been made redundant, which sucks. Especially because it’s now August. And if you have followed my blog before, you will know how August usually goes. And that thought in itself is a little terrifying.

Back to the unstable mess that is classic me…

So aside from the heart troubles, I’m having real-person-problems or ‘normal low’ times at the moment anyway… because I lost my job. ARGH. And I’m a little angry about it. It’s not like I did anything wrong. It’s not like the company’s going bust. I’m just not worth much, for business, to invest in as a person, and I feel as though as I’m of no value. I thought I helped, I did what I was asked, I think I contributed to the business. And I was in shock at 5pm on Friday afternoon, when I’m coming back from the bathroom and brought into the boardroom for a ‘word’.

Back to the bathroom I went…

So it’s now a week later… A Tuesday after the Friday. Clearly my blog writing is going well…I’m in a café in town, trying to sort my life out a little bit. I’ve met with two people already today re jobs and I’m supposed to be doing another meeting later, but I’m not sure I can face it. I’m so exhausted inside. And everything’s very unstable. I really hope I get the job from this morning, I think I’d be good at it. Just like starting work all over again though and wherever – if at all – I get some work, I’m going to be so nervous and new all over again.

 

ANOTHER UPDATE… got a job, so that’s something, start tomorrow morning. Nervous and terrified. Don’t want to go. Not in the mood to blog but been messing about with this post for a week so just going to post it. Will update when I feel a bit better.

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